Self-Care Archives - Mercedes Déziel-Hupé

My posting plans changed this week when I sent my poor laptop to the repair shop. I made the mistake of leaving on my bed and kicking it (accidentally) to the ground. I didn’t realize the extend of the damage until the next day when I couldn’t charge it or even turn it on. It seems I’ve unintentionally broken the internal power connection.

I wondered… what does this inconvenience teach me?

One thing’s for sure, I’ll be grateful when I have it back in full-functioning order. But beyond that, what is it teaching me, to not have one of my go-to tools taken away (perhaps by my own distraction or carelessness… say what you will)?

I take for granted what I do have. Often.

I didn’t realize how convenient it was and how much I depended on having a laptop of my own. It makes my life so much easier than having to share, and yet, I took this piece of technology for granted. This made me think, wow, I do often forget how much I have, how much I’m given and how often I complain about what I *don’t* have. Perspective, perspective, perspective!

I drew this bit of inspiration when I most needed to read it.

I have a kind, knowledgeable, supportive partner.

Scott didn’t make me feel worse for having broken parts of my computer, rendering it unusable until it was in laptop-surgery. Even though we’re preparing for an across-the-ocean trip and are very mindful of our budget to make it a debt-free trip. He knew I didn’t break *my* computer on purpose. I felt silly enough as it was… He also helped me establish a reasonable repair budget and he put his computer(s) at my disposal. (How else would I be writing this?)

It’s ok to slow down. In fact, it’s an act of self-care.

I felt terrible about not posting on this blog this week. I told myself I wasn’t showing up for myself, making time for something I cared about and letting followers and readers down. Then, I realized that I was being more respectful of mySelf by shaking off the pressure than ‘shoulding’ all over myself and letting that transpire in my writing. I rather write from a place of care (for me and for you) than writing from a place of irritation and obligation. Perhaps I broke my computer because I needed a break from things. Maybe on some level, I was careless because I could not care at the same level anymore; I needed to take a step back, regroup, breathe, make sense of my feelings and form some loving thoughts before putting more out into the world.

Scott picked these to cheer me up.

I went outside more than usual.

I wandered in my front and back gardens on sunny days. I lingered in the rain on my bike rides home and watched the ducks (heck, I was wet anyway). I stopped and smelled my flowers and admired their growth and their beauty. I felt so fortunate to see my irises introduce my fragrant peonies, ushering my rose buds into being. I’m excited to see all these beautiful lives popping out of the ground, seeking the sun, sharing their vitality and their perseverance. It made me realize that I am learning so much from my garden. What a gift!

I’m learning patience.

Strawberries from our garden! Take that, squirrels!

I even found strawberries in my vegetable patch. After three years, we finally beat the squirrels to these delicious treats! That’s patience! Our previous roommate had told us: “Squirrels are the most idiotically hopeful rodents. They will keep at your flowers buds and fruit until they find something worthwhile.” Squirrels are some pretty bratty teachers, let me tell you. But hey, if I beat ’em to their own game, doesn’t that make me…rightfully hopeful? It certainly proves that I know how to wait for my time and create my moment.

I read more and I listened more.

Not “conveniently” having access to Netflix made me sit with yummy books this week. I’ll shamelessly promote an author I love, here: Daily Love. Growing Into Grace by Mastin Kipp. It’s been one of my go-to reads in this period of serendipidous “dis-connect to tune-in”. I’ve also paid more attention to signs this week, listened to my inner voice and wisdom and that made me more available to listen to my loved ones (partner, friends, parents).

Meanwhile, as I wait for my lappy sidekick, tell me what challenge has made you more patient?
What events have caused you to pause and learn something valuable about yourself?

There’s a word that kept resurfacing in the past few months and I’ve decided to pay attention. The idea of “unbecoming” has been coming to me in internet quotes, books I’ve read, conversations I’ve had. Although, the expression has been adopted in a pejorative way to mean unflattering, it stuck.

Unbecoming is defined as:

: not attractive : not becoming

: not appropriate or acceptable for a person in a particular job or position

What if “unbecoming” was the key to our happiness?

What if unbecoming was the gateway to inner peace?

I think it is. Here’s how I got to this conclusion.

The first few years of our lives are spent “learning”. We learn all our lives, on many levels, but the types of learning we do early on is less aware. It’s much less about who we are than it is about how to function. In the process, we inevitably “become” someone. We’re named a birth, into a family, in a place, with a cultural background. We learn what all these references mean. We situate ourselves. We relate to others from our predetermined, subjective, point of reference; the someone we’ve (been) identified as. As we go through life, this someones’ story becomes heavier and heavier with experiences and this someone’s actions, decisions, and reactions become defined by each other. The frame of reference becomes more defined but also more limited in possibilities. The person (soul) who limits themselves to their identity’s frame of reference, whatever format is used here (cars, jobs, family…), stops listening to their guidance. The truth is, the story we tell ourselves about who we are only matters to our “someones”. Who we are – souls – don’t care about stories or typical forms. Our souls don’t care about our family histories, our jobs, our salaries, the houses we live in or the car we drive. Our souls use these as means to an end. Our souls don’t even regard “reasonable possibilities”. We are so much more than the identities we assume and we tend to limit ourselves because that’s what we learn.

Unbecoming is actively shedding parts of our assumed identities that no longer work for us. (Have they ever, really?) It can be compared to someone’s sense of style; for most of us, it’s clearer through choices what suits us. We decide to eliminate, we actively choose to not participate in trends, we refine what feels right and looks good on us. (At least, that’s the hope!) And of course, some styles work for us at certain stages of our lives and not others… we try on personalities and lifestyles and work our way to what ultimately, is “really us”. I see the process of “unbecoming” like me refining my soul’s personal style by taking away the superfluous, the tacky, the ‘age-inappropriate’, the unflattering and the uncomfortable. In so doing, I’m allowing the classic pieces and the few daring ones that act as my secret weapons to nail the “style” that is just right.

Now, hold the phone, I haven’t mastered this skill yet. There are layers of this to be done, at least in my case!

To me, unbecoming means….

That I’ve declined the invitation to conform, to be nice, to keep my head down just for the sake of it.
That I’m bolder about my life choices.
That I’m more honest in my words and actions, and that I’m firmer in my boundaries.
That I say no a lot, but I also say yes to more of what I want or need.
That my heart feels lighter and lighter.
That my head feels clear.
That my body feels strong and healthy.
That my decisions are in line with my values.
That I’m facing my fears about being apologetically who I am.
That I’m facing my fears about being responsible for my life.
That I’m getting closer to my core.

It remains a process that looks a lot like cha-cha, but its by-product is a beautiful dance of mySelf.

Unbecoming might just become a key word for me in my spiritual practice. What can I shed today / this week / this month / this year? Is this choice honouring me, deep down? What does my gut say?

What does unbecoming mean to you? Do you feel like there are habits or beliefs you could shed to be happier and lead a harmonious life?

Tag: Self-Care (page 1 of 2)

Hiccups: Learning Patience

Unbecoming

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