Tag: Wellness (Page 3 of 3)

Returning to Reiki – A Decade Wiser

When I was 18, I followed my mother to a reiki training. Little did I know then, I would be introduced to one of the simplest, most powerful healing methods.

At the time, the workshop had a mystical draw for me and it was just something cool I was doing. I was dabbling if you will, with energy. I didn’t realize the gift I had been given. I mean, I knew it was a gift, from the ceremony accompanying the attunement, which is a rite of passage for reiki practitioners. I didn’t, however, make the connection between this method and its application in my life. At best, I thought it might help me meditate or ease the symptoms of a bad cold. At worst, I thought I’d have spent an afternoon fiddling with hocus pocus.

reiki principlesOver the years, I’ve tried to apply the principles of reiki and I’ve reinforced my connection in small, sporadic practices. I occasionally blessed situations and others, but I mostly used reiki on myself and on loved ones. I would use reiki in extreme situations as well, including when I’d injure myself dancing. On a few occasions, my reiki provided my mother with relief from severe pain. When she injured her shoulder (torn ligament from calcium deposit and malpractice from a physiotherapist), neither of us knew what to do to relieve her pain until we got her to see a doctor. I resorted to reiki. Then, most recently, I treated my mom with reiki during her cancer treatment (radiation and chemo double whammy) and leading up to her abdominal surgery.

Without getting into the personal details of her situation, what I’ve realized is that whether benefits-of-energy-healingor not I truly understood reiki, it was indeed powerful. It could bring relief, relaxation and speed a natural healing process. This was my own personal observation. And I was someone who had been blissfully unaware of how important reiki could be in my life and of how many people I could help with it. I hadn’t quite figured out what it meant to be an energy practitioner, whether the method were reiki or another such as qi gong or shamanic healing.

Being an energy practitioner (or healer) is accepting to be a channel. It is a vocation of service. It’s access to a great source of power, available to all who seek it, and it is a duty to use it for the greater good and overall wellness. As one of my favourite Marvel heroes has once said: “With great power comes great responsibility.”

Mikao Usui

Mikao Usui – Founder of Reiki as we know it today.

And so, here I am, a decade after being introduced to Mikao Usui’s method and its benefits and I realize I have been living unconsciously, in the dark. I have been neglecting my responsibility as much as my gift. I have decided to fully embrace reiki by committing to a daily practice. If I do not treat someone actively, I at least meditate on my role as a channel, as a practitioner. I fill my body with light, reinforcing my connection. I ask to be given the awareness and the courage to follow the principles. I humbly ask to become an example of light, love and healing. I ask to understand how I can bring the best of myself and of my role as a reiki practitioner to every situation.

This newly formed commitment is but a few months old. Yet, I’ve made positive changes in my life and my perspective has changed. My faith in myself, in the Universe and in others has grown. I feel lighter and stronger simultaneously.

Reiki Symbols

Common Reiki Symbols

A month ago, I was guided to redo my first level of reiki attunement. My place was secured at the last minute. I wasn’t even sure I could attend, seeing as we were Saturday before close and I didn’t know how I’d be getting to the class (much less how I’d be paying for it). I called the training centre and was informed the reiki master would not have my registration in advance but would be informed there might be a 13th student (me).  As I walked in to the training room on that Sunday morning, the trainer looked at me and asked who I was. Spontaneously, I said: “I’m 13.” The reiki master laughed, because, as she was also an intuitive, her guides were insisting that there would be a 13th student that day, despite there only being 12 registrations on paper. “I made up 13 settings, in case you’d show up. Do you want to give me your name, now that we’ve confirmed that there’s 13 of you?” It would seem I was in the right place at the right time.

Essential Reiki - By Diane Stein

Essential Reiki, by Diane Stein

During my reiki one review, I was guided to listen. It was an exercise in connecting to purpose AND to others. Being curious and truly listening creates an atmosphere of respect and allows for healing of all kinds. I learned new things, which to my surprise, weren’t directly related to traditional reiki. I learned about the relationship with chakras, colours and angels. Being in a class of newbies and “experienced” reiki pracitioners, I also learned a lot about dealing with ego; mine and that of others. This month, I pursue my Reiki II training. It feels like a natural step to further this process.

Reiki is one of those gifts that keeps on giving. Although I thought I knew what reiki was all about, and it was almost this “cute” practice I’d learned about years ago, I still grow from it. I’ve definitely been blinded by its simplicity and I’ve often dismissed it as trivial. The reality is that reiki being a method is only as good as its users. It has immense potential and it is available anywhere, anytime. Reiki is a life force energy that anyone can use, call upon and benefit from. Saying yes to reiki is a way of saying yes to life. I’m accepting this unconditional relationship to life.

Recognizing Barriers to the Self

In recent years, I’ve struggled with my health, my mental well-being and this question of happiness. In this process, which is ongoing, I’ve realized that there were things missing in my life (understatement of my generation, right?). Surprisingly, they weren’t things to acquire, but rather, they were experiences to live and feel. I was missing out on so much because of barriers I’d put up within mySelf. We all have barriers to the self, and we all start with recognizing them.

Pride

I realized that one of my sources of restraint was pride. Not in the sense we misunderstand as vain, self-involved and reserved. I mean I was/am proud in the sense that I was protecting my dignity as I saw it and my heart as I remembered pain. You see, folks who aim to better themselves, improve their performance and compete tend to have issues around shame, rejection and self-worth. I know that I learned shame. I learned embarrassment, through experiences such as bullying or singling-out in class. I learned that being “right”, bubbly, helpful and talented was valued. Being valued felt good. I can’t speak for others, but whenever I fell short of any of these, I felt less than. I disappointed and that felt bad. I felt like I lost a bit of shine to my penny. I started to compete with others not to prove myself better than anyone else, but to make myself lovable, though I didn’t know it at the time. When I got older, into adulthood, I loved being the best at something and couldn’t stand not being the best at something I dedicated so much time to. How could I not be the best dancer if I worked so hard? Those questions would send me into tailspins. I would question my entire life’s decisions and whether I even knew who I was. Was I worth anyone’s time?

I was painted as the model student, the talented dancer and artist, the reasonable child, the best friend, the exemplary intern, the up-and-coming reporter, the communications professional, the competitive dancer and team member, the reliable daughter, the girlfriend you bring home to mom. Those are just some of the roles I’ve had to play, as cast by others.

Fear

My fears of feeling shame, embarrassment and not being good enough grew over time. No one is born feeling ill-equipped to live. Everyone born wants to be here. So why do we feel so unloved, inadequate and misunderstood from such a young age?Through experiences. We can choose to take the lessons or identify with the pain. We can’t live with both. When I was about 9 or 10 years old, I danced in a production of Newsies. My coach insisted we lip-sync the chorus introduction and frustrated as she was, she threatened that if she saw one of us mumbling, she would “make us sing the chorus to all the other classes”, which included older kids and teenagers. You’ve probably guessed that I was singled out and was forced to sing, out loud, with no musical accompaniment to about three classes. This was NOT the kind of attention I ever wanted or asked for. I remember my palms sweating and the blood draining from my hands, which were shaking. I remember having a hard time pushing sound out of my mouth. My throat was dry. I made it through the entire chorus while staring at the floor and feeling my face flush. My legs felt like lead. I remember few moments as uncomfortable as that one. I could tell others were also uncomfortable about the manner in which I’d been thrust into their class and forced to perform, like a circus monkey.
findyourvoice

Finding My Voice

To this day, I struggle with singing. I have a visceral reaction; like a caged animal. I was a child who loved music and who belted out tunes without a care in the world. I was never even aware that others may not like hearing me! But since this experience, I have third chakra problems. I have a crackly, raspy voice which breaks sometimes mid-speech, or when I sing certain notes. I lose my voice the second I think someone can hear me sing. I frequently have to clear my throat and often have “a frog”. I discovered I have hypothyroidism, which is an under-active thyroid. Louise Hay has very interesting suggestions relating to root causes of physical disease and illness. According to her, thyroid dysfunction has to do with self-expression and being heard or “speaking your truth”. I think it’s pretty clear that my symptoms stem from a traumatic experience. The irony of it all, is that the song was meant to be empowering.
“Open the gates and seize the day
Don’t be afraid and don’t delay
Nothing can break us
No one can make us
Give our rights away
Arise and seize the day”
For years, I stopped myself from singing. I didn’t sing in public, at the karaoke, on road trips, while walking with an iPod, at parties or around a camp fire. All this time, somewhere deep down, I believed that my singing would be judged, that I would be shamed and ostracized.
I stopped myself from learning an instrument and I quit guitar because my family was full of talented musicians. I stopped myself from sewing because my mom could always do it better. I stopped drawing because it was not practical for school or anything else. Besides, I wasn’t “good” at it, like my father or my cousin was. I “grew out” of playing games, an activity I enjoyed so much. I hesitated for years to learn photography because I thought I wouldn’t understand the technique. I was always “mathematically challenged”. I shelved writing and storytelling for the last few years, when I walked away from reporting. I stopped myself from pursuing riskier career options, which were worth the risk for the sheer experience.
I buried mySelf, as I filled my calendar with activities, my head with worry, my credit card with unattainable standards and my heart with sorrow. I realized something had to change…

Read my recovery story in my next post.

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