Category: Relationships (Page 7 of 11)

This includes posts about romantic relationships, family, friends.

How To De-Stress Right Now

Stress may suck, but on some level, it acts as an indicator of many things, namely, that we need to either pay attention to the situation for our safety or care for ourselves for our well-being.

I’m a sensitive person and I tend to empathize with others very easily. I also have a temper. In a perfect storm of stress factors, I can go from 0 to 60 in no time at all. It’s not difficult to imagine how common it is for me to pick up on other people’s stress or for seemingly minor things to cause me unease, irritation and concern. I often catch myself tensing up; I feel my shoulders cramp, neck and back pain, shallow breathing and my mind races. I become high-strung and I can’t think straight, Naturally, I’ve had to work out a few instant and effective de-stressors.

All of these eight tips take one hour or less, most take effect in minutes. Also, I picked eight (8) because it’s the symbol for infinity and I believe that when we’re at the heart of our (shared) greatness, we feel incredibly peaceful. Here are my go-tos!

Lotus from the Geneva Botanical Gardens, photo by Mercedes

Lotus from the Geneva Botanical
Gardens, photo by Mercedes

8 STRESS BUSTERS

1-   Breathe

That’s really the first step. A deep, belly breath; in through the nose out through the nose. Close your eyes, feel the breath sweep through you, feel your tummy rise and fall.

2-   Stop Glorifying Busy

Don’t overbook yourself. Allow for buffers in your week. If you were thinking of squeezing in that extra meeting, or booking another errand in your commute to/from work or double-booking your Saturday night, don’t do it. In fact, if you can reschedule one thing without repercussions, do it. You’ll be happy you’ve left breathing room. Aaaah.

3-   Remove the Digital Clutter

E-marketing

Unsubscribe from mailing lists, because really, when are you ever going to read that email? Do you *need* to buy yet another appliance? You already check twitter or instagram; you don’t need the notification. You’re entitled to a clean house, digitally.

Social media

Unfollow, Unfriend, Unsubscribe. No one needs that negative friend who can’t seem to spend one day rant-free. And if you have a dear friend or relative who posts games and cat videos, maybe you just don’t need to see *all* their posts.

Clear your inbox

Use folders, flags, archive, delete. If you’ve read it, file it. If it requires action, follow-up or flag it to deal with at your earliest convenience. Delete anything that doesn’t need to be revisited (you would keep directions or instructions for instance) or that you don’t value (you might keep a friend’s touching email). Otherwise, DELETE.

4-   Remove Clutter From Your Home

Perform a clutter sweep

Give yourself 5-10 minutes to do the sweep your common areas and bedroom. Your only concern is to clear counters, tables and seats. Any trash and recycling should be disposed of. Fold blankets, replace cushions, push table chairs, wipe tables and counters. Load your dishwasher if you have one, or pile your *rinsed* dishes to be cleaned when you can. IF they aren’t rinsed and you can spare your sink (or a soak bin), ya might want to soak them. Your (near) future self will thank you.

Take a basket or two and assign a space per basket, such as “office” and “bedroom”. If you have kids, you’ll want one for their rooms. Whatever you find that belongs in those spaces you put in the basket and when you’re done, you bring those to these spaces to be sorted later. You now have a tidy kitchen, dining and living room.

Bonus: open a window or light a scented candle (go with a non-toxic option)!

5-   Care for Your Body

Get moving.

Get some fresh air, go for a walk or a stretch and don’t sit down until you’ve spent 30 minutes moving. Get the blood moving and consider it an “active meditation”.

Have a piece of a fresh fruit.

Our brains run on natural sugar and our bodies need vitamins and nutrients. Do yourself a favour and bite into something healthy. You’ll feel refreshed and your body will thank you.

Draw yourself a bath.

If you’re at home and you can manage 15-20 minutes to yourself (gosh, I hope you can!), draw yourself a warm bath. If you have sea salt or Epsom salts, throw some in for an added treat – bonus! it helps your skin detox. You can throw in a few drops of your favourite essential oil (lavender works beautifully). When you sit in the tub, focus on your breath or on how the water feels on your skin. Be present. Forgive yourself if you drift; this time is for you!

6-   Ease Your Mind

Put away the screens.

Give your racing mind a break… put away the screens and devices for one hour. If you can’t manage that, start with 30 minutes. Baby steps. When we’re using devices, we’re constantly stimulated by advertising, pop-ups, email notifications, back-lighting. This is especially true if you’re going to bed because screens stimulate a part of our brains to think it’s still daylight, which means we won’t feel sleepy and it’ll throw off our natural Zzzz’s. There are apps like influx that will convert the light to an orange-tinged back-light, but really… do you need to send that email or spend more time on Facebook? Go cuddle up to your honey, your kid or curl up with a good book or journal.

7-   Soothe Your Heart

Call a friend or loved one.

Don’t text, call. Listen to their voice or go meet them for a cup of tea. Humans respond best to faces and voices. Besides, if you meet up in person, you might get the added bonus of a hug (yay for oxytocin!).

8-   Lift Your Spirits

Consume or create something that inspires you

Read your favourite author’s blog, watch a TEDtalk or write a note or a card, or make that flower arrangement or scrapbook. Spend time in nature, taking it all in, whether it’s a park or your back yard. If you find it calming, weed or tend to your garden.

How do you bust stress in your life? What are your favourite tips? How have they helped you?

Simplicity: Streamline into Purpose

You’ve been hearing about this world-wide counter-culture trend of minimalism, from tiny living spaces to capsule wardrobes and multi-functional furniture. I’ve been inspired by many of these pioneers who’ve achieved zero-waste homes and streamlined their errands.  I study WAHMs (Working At Home Moms) blogs in amazement, because one day, I want to rock the mom thing (Tsh, Nina, Ruth and Anna are some of my favourite bloggers in this area). I often think of these bloggers and forward-thinkers as miracle-workers. I think: “I couldn’t possibly do what they did.”

But I can, and we can… we just trip and bash our egos on the details.

Although minimalism and intentional living have tremendous benefits as lifestyle choices,  the overarching concept of simplificity and streamlining (often put forward in minimalism) serves as  guiding principles on a spiritual level, which then trickles down into other areas of our lives.

By valuing simplification, it’s easier to streamline our choices and actions towards doing less of what does not suit who we are and what we want out of our lives. By simplifying down to what we value most (in varying forms such as relationships, careers, passions, families, hobbies…), we make room for meaning in our daily lives. We create our lives in practical and artful terms and in the process, we find purpose in meaning.

The BIG Shift to Simplicity

Since returning from holidays, I’ve discovered the many ways this trip has benefited my development and well-being (travel – the gift that keeps on giving!). Being around friends from all walks of life, one sentiment that stuck with me through the trip was how anything is possible. This was such a freeing realization, one I finally understood in my heart and in my gut as much as in my mind.

You’re probably thinking: “how is this simplifying? How does that have anything to do with streamlining, if she’s saying ‘anything’s possible’ ?”

As I sit with this thought, my mind goes straight into problem-solving mode to respond to my deepest longings. My mind says: “Heart, if anything is possible, this thing you hold dear, this dream you want to live out, this project you want to birth; it is possible! We can make it happen together!”

We're happy to be having a picnic in Bruges, Belgium

Anything is possible! (Here, we’re having the best picnic ever in Bruges)

My heart and my mind had a pow wow and agreed; the ONLY decisions that matter are the ones that allow Mercedes to follow her calling and co-creating loving relationships.  Those are the decisions that lead her to take action toward her dreams and her Self, making her feel most alive!  Everything else is gravy, as they say. Everything else then becomes about savouring life’s surprises and going with the flow. But the steps I take mindfully, I take in the direction of my calling and my loving relationships.

All of a sudden, judgment and fear takes a backseat. I don’t care about likelihood, opinions, past failures or “wasted” years. What I need to do is clear and moreover, I need to keep listening to the part of me saying:

“You’ve known all along and you’re more than capable, and worthy of your dreams. Don’t let others write your story. You aren’t greedy; you only want to follow your path. That’s also very yogic; you’re stepping away from things that aren’t meant for you, as you know they are meant for others and what’s meant for you is already yours. You’re already accepting of what comes to you in your journey, whatever that is. You’re ready to BE who you are.”

This is such a HUGE shift for a woman who’s been “glorifying busy” most of her teens and

Mercedes is at the fountain in front of the United Nations, in Geneva, Switzerland.

Refreshing! – I’m at the UN fountain.

young adult life. I was someone who was “trying on ambition” in the traditional sense and it felt like an itchy wool sweater. I often felt I needed to earn favours, work hard to deserve success and work even harder to earn leisure and rest. When I write this, I feel silly; my head knows that I’m worthy of happiness but that’s not how I’ve been living. There must have been beliefs (soul agreements) that prevented me from enjoying a simple, meaningful life. Heck, I could create that simple, purposeful life right now.

“But first, I should do…and then I need to…and really, this has to…” …aaaand nonsense.

It’s all just smoke and mirrors. If you want to be happy, be happy now. Make that choice, then work out what it means. If you want out of the life situation you *currently* have (whether that’s a job or a relationship), then ask yourself what *would* honour you and then work out how to do it and DO IT.

How Does Simplicity Help Me?

If you don’t know what your calling is or don’t believe in the concept of purpose, then by all means, listen to what lights you up, makes you smile and gives you energy. What makes you want to get up in the morning? What is the favourite part of your day? Whom do you most admire and why? How are you and your heroes alike? Are you envious of anyone? Ponder that.

For me, the spiritual simplicity of my life means that I will not limit my thinking or my options, because that would mean getting caught up in the details. After all, my mind should serve me, not control me. I won’t focus on a goal, but on the action. I ask myself: “does this honour me? Does this help me fulfill my calling or create loving relationships?” In even simpler terms: “Does this help me write? Does this help me practice reiki? Am I helping others in my way, with my gifts? Does this help me grow in my relationship?”

And that is how I focus my actions around my choices, which are based off my values. I am gaining clarity because I’m guided by few but strong principles.  Right now, I am called to write and to focus on wellness. Right now, my love partnership is a strong, rewarding bond that will (one day) blossom into the family we wish to welcome. As a harmonious partner (in the making) and a (mostly) serene writer and reiki practitioner, I feel I am better equipped to co-create other loving relationships (with family, friends, colleagues). I also feel more prepared to ride waves of life, because I found my centre.

With the steps I take, I’m streamlining my life choices so that I create, in love and in self-honouring practice, a life that is as true and alive as I was ever meant to be. Simply.

In what ways has simplifying your choices, actions or schedule improved your life? What does it allow for? Have you streamlined an area of your life to your greater satisfaction?

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